How Should I Deal with My Mother Who Restricts My Time at the Mosque?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I want to go to the mosque and start seeking knowledge of deen there alongside my worldly studies (I am in AL first year), but my parents’ ideas, especially my mother’s, are extremely twisted. She says these maulvis will brainwash me, that agency agents are roaming around, teachers beat students and make them do their tasks, and that there is no need to hang out with any buzurg (elder/shaykh).

I should pray and leave, and there is no need to make friends. How am I supposed to improve my friends circle like this? My mother gets emotional. She said that she always gives good advice and that she is sincere. I reply that she gives me advice with good intentions, true, but the advice being correct is not guaranteed. Then she gets emotional again asking if I think am so intelligent. She’s also against tablighi jamat.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your zeal to improve in your religion and may He make it easy for you to find what you seek. Find a delicate balance for now, and in sha Allah, a way will open for you.

Intentions

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,  “If somebody intends to do a good deed and they do not do it, then Allah will write for them a full good deed in his account with Him…” [Bukhari]

In sha Allah, you will be fully rewarded for your intention to do more, so don’t fear your reward with your Lord. However, you still need to find a solution to the bigger problem of being prevented from learning your religion.

Parents

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Your Lord has decreed that you shall not serve any but Him, and to be good to parents, whether one or both of them attains old age with you; say not to them ‘Uff!’ neither scold them, but speak respectful words to them, and lower to them the wing of humbleness out of mercy and say; ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them, as they raised me when I was little!’” [Quran, 17:23]

Due to the tremendous respect that you should show your parents, there is no other way but to communicate openly and honestly with them. Tell them that your feelings are hurt, that you feel restricted. Honestly, you know how much you can stretch and compromise with them. Show them love, politeness, and kindness. Show them that the more you learn Islam, the better your character gets with them. When you come back from the mosque, bring them a little treat, tea or coffee, something that speaks to them.

Turn to Allah

You should still make friends at the mosque, it only takes a few minutes to talk to people. You should listen to lectures online as much as you can, you should read books, and fully utilize your resources at home first. We have many free courses at SeekersGuidance if you are looking to learn. In the meantime, be regular with your prayers, make dua at tahajjud time, read the Quran with the meaning daily, and start taking an Arabic course….I am confident that Allah will open the doors of ease and mercy to you because you are sincerely seeking His pleasure.

Abu ad-Darda (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “He who follows a path in quest of knowledge, Allah will make the path of Janna easy to him. The angels lower their wings over the seeker of knowledge, being pleased with what he does. The inhabitants of the heavens and the earth and even the fish in the depths of the oceans seek forgiveness for him. The superiority of the learned man over the devout worshipper is like that of the full moon to the rest of the stars (i.e., in brightness). The learned are the heirs of the Prophets who bequeath neither dinar nor dirham but only that of knowledge; and he who acquires it, has acquired an abundant portion.” [Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi]

Please see these links and more details on obedience to parents not being unconditional:

My Parents Prevent Me From Practicing: What Should I Do?

Do I Have to Obey My Parents If They Stop Me From Listening to Religious Talks?

When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?

To What Extent Should I Obey My Mother?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.