How Do I Mend a Broken Relationship?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I was in a relationship with a view to marriage that broke down 6 months ago. In hindsight, there was a lot of misunderstanding, miscommunication and heightened emotions that dissolved the relationship.
Are there any dua or prayers that can help reconcile broken hearts and mend relationships?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.
Broken relationships
“And no (moving) living creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allah. And He knows its dwelling place and its deposit (in the uterous, grave, etc.). all is in a Clear Book (Al-Lauh Al-Mahfuz – the Book of Decrees with Allah).” [Qur’an, 11:6]
If Allah has destined marriage for you with this person, then it will happen. If Allah has not, then I pray that you come to peace with that. Trust that when Allah closes one door, then it is only a matter of time before He opens a better one for you.
Prayer
Please perform The Prayer of Need. Beg Allah to heal your heartbreak, and to bless you with a loving and tranquil marriage. Ask him to restore your relationship, if that is what is best for your deen and dunya.
Continue to perform Istikhara about pursuing marriage to this person. A positive istikhara means that she will return to your life and you can resume your marriage talks. Has this happened? A negative istikhara means that she will not return to your life, and marriage to her will not happen. It is difficult to remain objective when feelings are involved, so keep praying istikhara until you gain the clarity and contentment which you need.
Communication
Moving forward, it is critical for you to learn better communication skills. Communication is an art that requires a lot of patience and practice. Learning how to listen and respond non-defensively can be very difficult at first, so make dua for ease and commit to self-improvement.
Dr. Gottman’s 3 Skills (and 1 Rule!) for Intimate Conversation
Exercise: The Art of Compromise
Marriage is Not a Big Thing, It’s a Million Little Things
Please see:
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.
