How Can I Stop My Mother From Always Hurting My Wife?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I recently married, and since my wife got to know my mother two years ago, my mother hurt her multiple times. She has been two-faced with us. Since the marriage, it got worse, and my mom ignores my wife. Every story has two sides, but I have thoroughly analyzed it and concluded that my mom did this in a sneaky way. So I confronted my mom, and she said she will be suicidal if I confront her more and shows emotionally unstable behavior. How should I be with her?

Answer

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your follow-up question. I am sorry that you are putting up with such indecent behavior and lack of tranquility in your home. May Allah help you all get along and with maturity and wisdom.

Transition

Transitioning into marriage is not easy for any party, and one must show a little mercy to everyone involved. That being said, your mother seems to be having a hard time with you loving another woman, so instead of ‘confronting‘ her, use other methods to improve your situation. Confrontation can be disrespectful, and respecting her is still obligatory on you, so you must be tactful and wise.

Steps

-If you live with your mother, move out.

-Buy her gifts regularly from the both of you. This will show her that haven’t forgotten about her

-When your wife interacts with her, try to be there, or if not, tell her to make it short and sweet

-Visit her at least once a week or call often, so that she doesn’t feel abandoned by her son

-communicate to her that hurting your wife hurts you, and ask her to make an effort to be nice, tell her that you will do the same

-always put Allah first in your matters and learn about your wife’s rights and mothers’ rights

-supplicate to Allah Most High before dawn for peace and understanding in your home

-emulate good character

-don’t let yourself get pulled into squabbles and try not to take sides

-ask your wife to have patience when she can for the sake of Allah

-please see the many useful resources here:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Trust in Allah, and believe it or not, but after some years, your wife and mother will become friends, by His grace, and they will share their joy, their sorrow and be a support and listening ear for one another.

Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you. 

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad  

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.