I Fell in Love so Deeply with Someone and Cannot Forget Him. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

Two years ago, I fell deeply in love with someone, just like in the movies. Does this ‘love at first sight’ exist in Islam? His aqidah and Islamic attitudes are questionable, though. What do I do? I feel sad and confused.

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.

Love

Dear questioner, I pray this finds you well.

Please know that love at first sight does exist for some. All of our souls knew one another, in pre-eternity. Some of us connected even then, while others did not.

For some, that initial infatuation may be due to physical attraction alone. This is not enough to make a marriage last. For others, that initial connection signals a deeper spiritual, emotional and physical connection – these deeper layers are what hold a marriage together. A lot of the time, however, especially for practising Muslims, love is something that deepens and grows over time, after nikah.

Marriage

It is far easier if both husband and wife are already on the same page. You describe this young man as having problematic aqidah and Islamic attitudes. He is unlikely to change after marriage, and it is far easier for you to marry someone on the same spiritual page as you. I do not suggest getting married to him with the intention of ‘fixing’ or ‘changing’ him.

As for this young man who is troubling your heart, know that you are not alone. Many people fall in and out of love. Just know that you were created for Allah, and your heart will only know true peace when you are connected to Him.

I encourage you to free your heart from your attachment to this young man, and make sincere dua for Allah to send you a husband worthy of you. Please perform the Prayer of Guidance until you have enough clarity to decide what to do. For example, if Allah keeps sending obstacles your way blocking your marriage to him, then take that as a clear no. If Allah makes easy your reconnection to this young man, and he is open to be influenced by your Islamic beliefs, then take that as a positive.

In either case, please perform the Prayer of Need daily, in the last third of the night, for the blessing of a righteous and loving spouse.

Suggestions

Prepare yourself for marriage with knowledge. I encourage you to enrol in Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. Read books about marriage such as Before You Tie The Knot.

Love can grow and deepen in a marriage, with sincere effort. Please choose wisely.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.