Conversion And Abusive Mother
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question: How do I deal with the difficulties I face from my non-muslim mother?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
May Allah bless you for embracing Islam and may He make easy your relationship with your mother and soften her heart toward Islam.
Your responsibility to your mother is to treat her with good character and the utmost respect. At the same time, if she demands from you anything that is against your faith, refuse with kindness and dignity.
The Challenges a Convert Faces
Dealing with non-muslim relatives is one of the main challenges for the convert. It proves much more difficult when that relative is one’s mother. This is not something new. The Companions [may Allah be pleased with them] – many of whom were converts – faced very similar issues, sometimes far worse.
Obtaining the Pleasure of Allah
Islam is a relationship with Allah, Most High, in which we seek to obtain His divine pleasure. That is achieved by doing what Allah wants from us, in whichever situation He puts us in. We are all tested in different ways and your test is your relationship with your mother. Although challenging this may be how you obtain the pleasure of Allah, Most High, it may be your ticket to Jennah, per se.
Islam commands us to be righteous to our parents while holding to our principles. We are commanded to be humble, respectful, and not to utter any words on disrespect. If they ask of us, that which is permissible in our faith, we strive to fulfill that request. But if they ask of us that which is displeasing to Allah, we refuse with respect and kindness.
Allah, Most High, says:
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to me will be your return, then I will inform you of what you used to do. [Qur’an: 31.15]
In matters such as these, one should turn themselves to Allah, Most High, in supplication. Allah, Most High is the possessor of the hearts. If He wishes, He can change your mother’s heart. Allah, Most High, says:
Perhaps Allah will put between you and those you have enmity with, from them, love. And Allah is All-Able. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful [Qur’an: 60.7]
May Allah make easy your affairs
Allahu A’alam
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.
