Abusive In-Laws

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: Assalamu alaykum

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. From the start we both happily agreed to live with his mother in her home as she is alone.

However soon after marriage, my mother-in-law’s behaviour changed towards both me and her son. She started interfering in every aspect of our lives.

She insults me, calling me things like dog, magician, dirt.

All these things really made me sad and depressed.Now we are expecting our first child alhamdulillah. But I am living on my own.

My husband told her that he will not divorce and leave his child, so now she is saying that we should move back in with her and that she won’t interfere anymore.

Can my husband force me to go back to live with her? He says that I should obey him and he will tell his mother what is and isn’t acceptable.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

SubhanAllah, I empathize with your situation. This is very difficult indeed. There are several fantastic answers on the subject which I have linked below. Please see all of them.

Your marriage

AlhamduliLlah, all praise to Allah, that your marriage is strong. Your husband has been good to you, and you to him. You have not let your mother-in-law come between you. Your relationship is peaceful, and your bond is strong. Thank Allah manifold for this blessing and keep up the good work of pleasing your husband.

Living without him

Your husband moving to his mother’s house and leaving you was a tragic mistake. This is exactly what his mother wanted to begin unwinding your bond and laying the foundation of the marriage’s demise. Your husband needs to see past her facade and realize the damage being done. Her plan is gradually working because you had your first argument. He needs to move back in with you immediately in order to have a healthy and happy family. The two of you must behave as a single unit.

Living with his mother

From what you describe, it would be harmful for you to move back to her house. Read the links below and you will find that it is obligatory for your husband to provide you with private living quarters. This is also conducive to establishing healthy, happy habits where you strengthen your religion together.

Always continue to be kind, sweet and helpful. I can tell that you are a caring person. Nothing is more powerful than a woman doesn’t tolerate abuse or mistreatment but meets evil with even better character, integrity and dignity. Explain to your husband lovingly that you would like him to come back and his mother will certainly get used to the lifestyle without him. She may even thrive in it. Tell him that asking to move back is too difficult and stressful after you have seen what it is like to live apart peacefully.

You might also get your doctor to explain to your husband that your baby’s health and your health is at risk if you live with panic attacks and stress. May Allah give you tawfiq and may you find it in your heart to forgive your mother-in-law and end up being best friends with her.

Turn to Allah

As always, turn to Allah when in need. Pray the The Prayer Of Need, give in charity for charity alleviates problems. Turn to pious friends who will give you good advice, visit your family more often. Exercise and take your pre-natal supplements. Don’t miss any prayers, and review your personally obligatory knowledge to be sure that you are putting Allah first and everything else second. In sha Allah you will find great good when you little expected it.

Shazia Ahmad

A Wife’s Right to Housing Seperate From Her In-Laws
Living With Disrespectful and Overbearing In-Laws
Living with My Mother-In-Law Is Challenging. What Do I Do?
Dealing With an Ill-Tempered Mother in Law

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterwards, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.