Will My Istikhara Prayer Be Answered If My Girlfriend Hasn’t Converted Yet?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’m in a long-distance relationship with an atheist girl. Our goal is to marry when we can, and she said she’s most likely going to become Muslim before that. So I like to say this dua, “Ya Allah, if she’s bad for me (as in would do something bad/evil to me, like cheat on me with someone else in her town, leave me for someone else, not convert, or generally do something bad,) forcefully take her away from me, if she’s good for me and wouldn’t do that to me, keep her for me”.
Will my dua be accepted? Will it not be because I’m already doing something haram by dating an atheist? Will the Istikhara prayer be accepted? How can I know if she’s going to convert or not? Only Allah knows that, I can only make dua right?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your sincerity in your du`a to Him and as such, you should behave in a way that is pleasing to Allah by leaving her unless she converts and agrees to a nikah with you.
Sin
It is sinful for you to continue dating her and you should not pray istikhara about marrying her until you have a reason to pray about it, as she has not converted yet. She must not “most likely” convert; she has to convert for the marriage to be valid. I fear that your haram situation may be blinding you, especially because you are not choosing her for religion as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us to. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.” [Abu Dawud]
Dua
I don’t want to discourage you from supplicating to Allah. Please continue to build your relationship with Him, and start with performing your obligations and removing the haram from your life. Of course, Allah can answer your du`a and you may continue to supplicate as you have described. You should also ask Allah to help you leave this sin.
I urge you to read the following article and answers and encourage your girlfriend to convert soon so you can have a nikah. You mentioned that she lives in a different town than you, so you should keep in mind that being in a long-distance online relationship may mean that you don’t know her as well as you thought you did and this relationship may not end up where you envision it. Please be prepared for anything.
Make this your standard for choosing a wife: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Please see these links as well:
- The Reality and Etiquettes of Supplication: A Reader
- Asking From God – The Art of Supplication: A Comprehensive Reader
- Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
- Can I Marry an Atheist With Whom I Am Deeply in Love?
- Can I Ask Allah That I Marry the Girl That I Was Dating Online?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
