Will My Husband Figure Out That I’m Not a Virgin on My Wedding Night?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a repentant Muslima that has committed Zina in the past, and I have kept it secret. Now everyone seems to think highly of me and sees me as someone righteous, including the brother that’s going to marry me soon. I know disclosing a sin is not encouraged in Islam, so I can’t tell him about my past. But being a non-virgin, I know he’s definitely going to find out after the marriage, this makes me so scared that I feel like dying without ever getting married. What do I do, please?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your worries, and I pray that Allah keeps your cover throughout this whole process. You must not tell him.
Righteousness
Having others think well of you is a blessing, but destructive praise and excessive flattery are blameworthy. Hammam ibn al-Harith reported that a person began to praise `Uthman and Miqdad sat upon his knee, and he was a bulky person and began to throw pebbles upon his (the flatterer’s) face. Thereupon `Uthman said, “What is the matter with you? And he said: ‘Verily, Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, When you see those who shower (undue) praise (upon others), throw dust upon their faces.’” [Muslim]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) taught us this supplication regarding that. Please learn it and recite it.
“(.اللَّهُمَّ لاَ تُؤَاخِذْنِي بِمَا يَقُولُونَ وَاغْفِرْ لِي مَا لاَ يَعْلَمُونَ (وَاجْعَلْنِي خَيْرًا مِمَّا يَظُّنُّونَ”
“O Allah, do not call me to account for what they say and forgive me for what they have no knowledge of (and make me better than they imagine.)” [Bukhari -From Bayhaqi in brackets]
Please see this to learn more about excessive flattery by Shaykh Omar Suleiman: Prayers of the Pious – Make Me Better than What They Think
Zina
As for your past fornication, keep it in the past. Don’t give in to being overcome with guilt for that is a trick of the Devil, and know that you have repented and Allah is All-Forgiving, All-Merciful. As for the wedding night, he won’t definitely find out. You should trust in Allah and be shy. Instead of worrying about the physical aspect of that night, focus on what you say and how you express yourself. Bring him a gift, perhaps, and try to connect with him emotionally, this can boost the wedding night in many ways.
Righteous Servants
Make the following statement your aim and goal, and leave the rest up to Allah Most High. Imam Bayhaqi relates that Abu Abd al-Rahman al-Sulami (Allah have mercy upon him) said that someone said,
“The description of true servants of Allah is that poverty is their honor; obedience of Allah, their sweetness; love of Allah, their joy; to Allah, their need; piety their provision; with Allah, their dealing; upon Him, their trust; in Him, their intimacy; upon Him, their reliance; hunger, their food; renunciation, their fruit; good character, their dress; cheerful disposition, their jewelry; generosity of spirit, their trade; good relations, their company; knowledge, their leader; patience, their driver; guidance, their ride; the Quran, their speech; thankfulness, their adornment; remembrance, their concern; contentment, their rest; sufficiency, their wealth; worship, their earnings; the devil, their enemy; worldliness, their dumps; modesty, their shirt; fear, their habit; the day, their lesson; the night, their reflection; wisdom, their sword; truth, their guard; this life, their journey; death, their destination; the grave, their shelter; Firdous, their residence; beholding the Lord of the Worlds, their longing. These are the elect servants of Allah, of whom Allah Most High has said, ‘The servants of the All-Merciful are those who tread lightly on the earth.’” [Bayhaqi, al-Zuhd al-Kabir]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
