Will I Fall in Love after Marriage?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am currently engaged to a wonderful man. We met via an app with my parent’s knowledge. We had parental involvement and met in person two weeks later. He seems the perfect person for me; our values, morals, and beliefs line up, we have similar interests, we can talk easily, and he has good character.
Physically, he is ok, but this was not important. I was suddenly filled with doubts about whether I was marrying the right man because I feared I might not fall in love with him after marriage. A friend told me it took over a year for her to fall in love with her husband. Is it normal to fall in love after marriage and to fear whether or not you will? Will it take time? Are these feelings normal? My istikhara is positive.
Answer
It is typical to have these fears about falling in love with him. There are two things that you should know.
- You will surely fall in love with your husband, even if not immediately. Love is something that is nurtured and grown between two people. It doesn’t happen automatically and should not. Put effort into your marriage when you are married by being kind, supportive, hard-working, and communicative. Then you will find the love is there.
- Also, remember that it takes much more than love to make a marriage work. It takes commitment, squashing of the ego, patience, enduring uncomfortable situations, sacrifice, and many other qualities you will learn along the way. Always treat him as you would want to be treated yourself.
Never take ideas or standards of love from TV or movies. Any notion of love you see on the screen is fake and invented. True love happens between husband and wife in real life, and it looks different. Remember that Allah puts love in the hearts of His servants. Pray for that.
It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything about herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Ahmad]
May Allah bless your marriage and make it strong with love, devotion, and piety.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
