What Should I Do Now That I Told a Girl I Want to Marry Her?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I confessed my love to a girl yesterday, and my intentions are to marry her. I talked to her for a few months, but I’m not ready for marriage because I’m still a student. I wanted to lay the foundation so I could speak to her father when I’m ready. After I confessed yesterday, I’ve been overcome with anxiety and fear; it makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know what to do. Should I just retract my confession?
I do like her, but I’m afraid for some reason, and I don’t know why. We have so much in common. I don’t know what to do, have I displeased Allah?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to do what is right and halal and not being in a relationship with her now.
Parents
I recommend that you tell her parents even though it is early. Let her father know that you will only pursue marriage after you finish your studies; this way, you can unofficially or officially get engaged. This should also help you keep some distance from her during this time, as you should not be talking and hanging out like close friends. True love and respect for her means that you will keep it formal until a nikah is performed.
Fear
The only reason you have fear is that you have told her but can’t actually do anything about it until the father is involved. Ignore the fear and doubts, and don’t retract what you have said. It is only the Devil trying to trick you and confuse you. I encourage you to pray the Prayer of Need and Istikhara to be sure of your decision. Then take action.
Please see these links as well:
- What Is the Process for Delivering a Proposal For Someone’s Hand In Marriage?
- How Should I Approach a Prospective Spouse?
- In Love but Too Young to Marry
- How Do I Convince My Mother to Let Me Marry While I Am Studying?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
