What Should I Do If I Feel Work Interferes with Raising My Kids?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Before marriage, my husband reassured me that I wouldn’t be expected to work, and his family said they were well off. I married him on this premise as I wanted to spend quality time with my children and bring them up as best I could.

However, this did not transpire. I can see the negative impact it’s having on the children and fear being accountable to Allah for my neglect. I’m self-employed, so it’s hard to reduce my hours, and finding alternative work is not an option as I suffer from chronic pain. I manage 80% of the house but lack time with the children and can’t ensure they pray.

I remind and encourage them, but I don’t feel I do enough. I can’t always monitor their screen time, and my husband can’t agree on limits.

Answer

I empathize with your frustration and I assure you that you are not alone in this struggle. I encourage you to make time and do whatever it takes to raise your children properly.

Neglect

You are correct to fear your accountability about your children’s upbringing on the Day of Judgment. We should all expect to be questioned about this.

‘Abdullah ibn `Umar said that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. A shepherd responsible for his flock is the ruler in charge of the people. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Tips

I suggest you adjust your routine and take drastic steps to escape your situation. Have a long discussion with your husband about this and pray istikhara. I guarantee you that if your intention to raise your kids for Allah is there, He will help you realize it.

-Connect with other working moms and get ideas
-Have a very good Quran or Islamic studies teacher who can guide them
-Put them in activities outside the home to reduce screen time
-Occasionally drop them off at grandparents’ or uncles & aunts as they can help in their upbringing
-Drop them off at the house of a religious friend so they can learn from them, too
-Make a longer bedtime routine filled with stories, playing, and cuddling
-Make family time screen-free and do meaningful things together
-Pray together whenever possible!
-Make continuous du’a for their success in deen and dunya
Be regular in your worship and mindful of following Islamic law and etiquette. They will still pick it up, in sha Allah.
Please remember that if you stop working, it doesn’t mean that your provisions will decrease; rather, by prioritizing Allah and having His blessings, you might find an infinite increase from whence you never expected.

Du’a

Please recite this comprehensive du’a from the Quran:

رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين

My Lord! Inspire me to always be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instill righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit to Your Will.” [Quran, 46:15]

Please see these links as well:
Is It Permissible for a Woman To Work After Having Children?
How Can I Convince My Husband to Become the Breadwinner of the Family?
Should I Ask My Wife to Work for Our Financial Goals or Rely on Destiny?
Parenting in Islam
Traditional Methods of Raising Children
Raising Children with Deen and Dunya
Bringing Barakah Into Your Wealth and Life
The Powerful Dua of a Parent

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani