What Should I Do If I Did Something Wrong to My Sister and Now Regret It?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
I had a question regarding transgression. If I commit a sin while knowing Allah is watching, all of my good deeds are erased unless I repent. When I was mad at my sister, I did something I shouldn’t have done because I knew Allah was watching. I regret what I did and now need my sister’s forgiveness, but I’m too ashamed to tell her. If she does not forgive me, do all my good deeds vanish? Or can I repent for transgressing Allah’s commands, and my good deeds remain even if my sister does not forgive me?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. I commend you for coming forward to seek guidance in this matter. A huge step is going forward.
Depending on the wrong you did, if you have the courage to go and ask for forgiveness, then you should do so, and if it does not lead to a long-term severing of ties, as this can happen in many cases.
Just like we should hope Allah Most High is forgiving, no matter how big the sin, similarly, we can expect from humans. However, it is only sometimes the case. Therefore I advise you to write her an anonymous letter stating vaguely that I have wronged you, but I am finding it difficult to face you, so please forgive me. This may soften her heart and forgive you in her absence, saying in her duas, O Allah, I forgive all those who have wronged me.
Do Two Things: Dua for Your Sister and Asking Forgiveness for Her
We also learn from our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that He made the following dua narrated by Abu Huraira that he heard Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying,
اللَّهُمَّ فَأَيُّمَا عَبْدٍ مُؤْمِنٍ سَبَبْتُهُ فَاجْعَلْ ذَلِكَ لَهُ قُرْبَةً إِلَيْكَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ“ ”
(O Allah, for any believing servant whom I curse, make that as a source of nearness to You on the Day of Resurrection.) [Muslim]
Ask forgiveness for your sister – O Allah! Forgive my sister. Pray for her in every way; this way, hopefully, it can make up for the wrong you have committed against her.
In general, when a person does a wrong towards another, they must seek pardon and forgiveness and ask Allah for forgiveness. However, in your case, it is up to you what your heart inclines towards; either face her or leave it to Allah to soften her heart and forgiving you in absence.
I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.
