Was It Permissible for My Uncle to Give Me the Sex Talk?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a newly married woman. An uncle of mine whom I deeply respect and honour because of his dedication to the religion, called me and explained to me about intimacy and sex between spouses in a way that was very detailed and without reservations. It made me so uncomfortable. I listened because of the respect I have for him. He said that this was ok and our talking is halal. Is it allowed for your uncle to speak about intimacy and sex? I feel like my heart is weighed down, and that this might have strained our relationship. I would love to have Islamic guidance.
Answer
Thank you for your question. It is permissible to speak about this between an uncle and niece, though he may not have done it in the best way, and I advise that you not let this hurt your relationship.
Shyness
Umm Sulaim (Allah be well pleased with her) said: “O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not ashamed of the truth, so is it necessary for a woman to make ghusl when she has a wet dream?” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “If she sees the fluid.” [Bukhari] And Mujahid bin Jabr said: “The shy person and the arrogant one will not learn the knowledge.” [Bukhari]
Muslims tend to lack basic Islamic knowledge and I feel that your uncle has probably taught many young men about this before. Although some would prefer to send some internet links or hand over a book, it seems that your uncle is outgoing and not shy, and he jumped into all the details. I’m sure he intended to convey knowledge, so please don’t blame him for not doing it perfectly. As stated above, a shy person cannot learn.
Decency
That being said, there should be decency in these talks. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “There is never any obscenity in a thing, but it mars it, and there is never any modesty in a thing, but it adorns it.” [Ibn Maja]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The best of charity is when a Muslim man gains knowledge, then he teaches it to his Muslim brother.” [Ibn Maja]
Please see these links as well:
What Are the Proper Intentions to Be Made When Teaching?
Adab 11: The Proprieties of Speech
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
