Should I Share My Illicit Past with My Future Spouse?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
What information does a potential spouse have the right to know about one’s previous relationship if that relationship was not within marriage? What benefits or harms are there in sharing such information? Should we ask each other about this information?
Answer
May Allah reward you for seeking clarification on what is right and for thinking before you act.
Sharing One’s Past
It is unlawful for a couple to speak about their past sins with one another and to disclose what Allah chose to keep hidden. They should not ask each other, nor do they have any right to. If a man or woman wishes to investigate someone they consider for marriage, they should ask around and check with families that know them. They may not ask a boy or girl to expose their sins. The obvious harms are a) Allah’s displeasure, b) the souring of relations, c)and damaging one’s reputation. What the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us is sufficient proof:
Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “All my community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under cover of Allah, and they rent asunderAllah’ss covering from themselves in the morning” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Please see the many details here:
Disclosing Past Sins
How Should I Deal with My Husband Inquiring about My Past Sins?
Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships
Will My Future Husband Find Out About My Virginity?
Should I Tell My Spouse About My Relationships Before I Got Married?
Seeking Forgiveness for Premarital Relationship and InformingOne’ss Spouse
My Friend Committed Fornication in the Past, and Wants to Tell Her Prospective Husband About It. Is This a Good Idea?
Are There Valid Reasons to Reveal Sins?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
