Should I Seek Forgiveness from a Girl That I Left for My Parents?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I was in a haram relationship, unaware of the severity of my sin. I met the girl once, but we never touched. Realizing my mistake, I wanted to make it halal and asked my parents for permission to marry her. They refused due to her family’s reputation. They believe it’s my duty to prioritize them. I still love her, but I chose my parents over her. She’s heartbroken and considering suicide. I promised to pray for her to find the right spouse. I feel guilty. Must she forgive me for breaking her heart? Will I burn in hell if she doesn’t? Should I ask for forgiveness from her or cut off contact with her completely?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your sadness and frustration, and I pray that you find the strength to move on, repent, and look forward to a bright future with your wife whomever she may be.
Forgiveness
Abu Qatada reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High, but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
You have repented for having gotten close to her, and you listened to your parents. There is nothing to ask forgiveness for. Your parents refused, and you decided to honor them and obey them. This is the very reason that young people should not get close to one another before marriage. They don’t know how their parents will react, and they are setting themselves up for heartbreak. Cut her off completely, and don’t look back, as seeking forgiveness will cause more pain. Move on to search for a wife that is more suitable for you and choose her for religion. Guard your heart the next time around.
Please see the many answers in this link as well: Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
