Should I Reconsider a Suitor That I Rejected Once?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I met a guy who practices Islam, and we talked about marriage. Later, I said no, and everything happened so quickly. My mother also said no because she thought I was too young (19).
After a few weeks, we cut contact and blocked each other, but we still have contact via WhatsApp groups because of volunteering. Then I read somewhere that maybe the person you meet is a favor or gift from Allah and not to follow your parents’ choice blindly.
Since then, I have had a positive feeling about him and will marry him later. I will do istikhara and want to tell my father when I am more sure about it.
Answer
I understand that you doubt your decision, and you can pray istikhara about him again if you wish.
Criteria
Please consider the type of suitor he is, see if he is good for you according to the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) who said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari; Muslim] This advice applies to both genders. Every suitor is not necessarily a gift from Allah, some are a test. It’s better to match him against your criteria and then see if you need to pray istikhara at all about marrying him.
Istikhara
I advise you to pray istikhara when your mother feels you are older and ready. Perhaps wait a year or so, so that you are not praying about something that is impossible now anyway. When you do, you should be decisive about it. It may be that he will be the right person for you later on. Or it may still turn out negative because he might not be right for you, but it is better to be sure.
Please see these links as well:
Istikhara – a Powerful Prayer When in Need of Guidance
Why Did My Parents Reject My Potential Suitor?
Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
