Should I Marry My Beloved without the Consent of My Parents?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a 27-year-old man from India, currently working in Saudi Arabia. I have developed feelings for a 26-year-old girl from Tunisia who resides in Tunis. My concern lies in informing my parents about her, explaining her culture, and her willingness to embrace our customs. Unfortunately, they are refusing to listen to me, assuming that our relationship will not succeed. They are unwilling to communicate with her parents as well. I am contemplating marrying her without my parents’ consent.
I am unsure whether this would make me sinful or if my parents should be held accountable for not allowing the marriage due to their assumptions. Should I follow their judgment if they are indeed correct?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for holding your parents in high regard and for carefully contemplating your decision.
Consent
You do not need your parents’ consent to marry her, and marrying her as such is not sinful. You would be sinful if you disrespected them outwardly, didn’t inform them of the marriage, and showed bad character toward them. Your parents’ refusal of the girl is not sinful, either. I urge you to explain your feelings to them kindly and gently and try to make them understand how serious you are and that you want them involved in this wedding. Do your best to keep your parents involved in the process and convince them to meet her.
Marry for Religion
You should start with praying istikhara, asking Allah if she is the right one to pursue. Follow the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Turn to Allah
Ask Allah to facilitate the matter for you. Supplicate at dawn, pray on time, and read some Quran every day. Attempt to learn your religion and apply it as well as you can.
Channel your worries into dua, as Allah is the Changer of Hearts. Keep your hopes up with this Quranic verse and know that Allah’s promise is true: “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]
I encourage you to say this dua:
“.يا مُقَلِّبَ القُلوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلى دِينِك”
“O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in Your religion.” [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links as well: Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
