Should I Marry a Poor Suitor with Mental Health Issues?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

A suitor who is a few years younger wants to marry me, but he is studying and only has a summer job, which means he will not be able to provide for me and my future children. He says I should rely on Allah, and He will provide. I have managed so far by getting money from social services, and I have part-time sick leave.

What makes it more complicated is that he has mental health problems, just like me. How will we manage if we both are ill at the same time?

I also fear that social services will take our future children and put them in foster care when they see both parents have mental health problems. There are two other suitors, but both have children and one lives abroad, what to do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to give this suitor a chance and for having an open heart, but I pray that you do not get yourself into a situation that is more difficult than what you are now.

Religion First

When a woman looks for a spouse, she should choose the most important quality of religiousness as the Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace) was the following, applying to both genders:  “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Supportive

Beyond this, she should find someone who can take care of her as much as she is accustomed to and support her in any challenges she faces. Of course, she should support her husband as well, but if a man is lacking in the financial department as well as the mental health department, this may be too much for her to bear. Please pray istikhara about the matter and follow that. Consider the other two prospects, meet them, and pray istikhara about them, too.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]

Please see these links as well:

• Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
• How Do I Choose between Potential and Established Suitor?
• Choosing Between a Sincere New Muslim and a Firmly Established Muslim for Marriage
• Should I Tell a Suitor That I Have a Mental Illness?
• Prophetic Supplications to Cure Illnesses

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.