Should I Marry a Man Who Doesn’t Seem Religious Enough?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am getting to know someone through arranged marriage for a couple of months now. He is honest and sincere, but not very religious. He wants to improve in his deen and would like to marry someone religious, but admits it is not something he has avidly been working on.

I believe he is sincere, but I am confused about whether it is right to move forward since I have no guarantee he will become religious. I have been doing istikhara but I only feel more confused. He does not fit my ideal partner in terms of both religion and ambition, and I feel like I should say no, yet when I speak to him I find myself warming up to the idea of marrying him. He is kind and I feel very at ease in his company.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for seeking someone with religion, as this is exactly what the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised us to do.

Walk Away

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, and it applies to both genders: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari & Muslim]

The confusing feeling that you get from your istikhara means that it is negative, in my opinion. You should follow your inclination that this man is not right for you because of his lack of religious ambition. I cannot recommend that you marry somebody who is potentially religious and not religious right now. I don’t want you to end up like the many other women who complain their husbands don’t pray and are terrible role models for their children. You can do better.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “You don’t leave anything for the sake of Allah except that Allah replaces it with something better.” [Ahmad]

Please see these links as well:

• Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage. [Course]
• Etiquette of Marriage: A Comprehensive SeekersGuidance Reader
• How Do You Know If a Potential Spouse Is Religious?
• How Can I Determine How Religious My Future Spouse Should Be?
• Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
• What Is the Appropriate Way to Seek and Choose the Right Partner for Marriage

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.