Should I Marry a Guy Whose Ideologies Seem Extreme to Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I met a guy two years back who is suitable and pious, and we decided to get married. I told my mother, but now I want to inform my father. But after talking to him more, I found that we have extremist ideologies. He had asked me to do strict niqab, not to go to public places, leave education, and opt for online mode. I agreed to all the conditions. Earlier, he told me he will do hijra and move out of this country, and now I got to know that he wants to join some group. He plans to move away with me just after marriage. I’m not talking to him at this moment but again and again, this thing is haunting me in my dreams. Help me, I can’t discuss this with my parents.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to pursue a halal relationship and may you choose the man that is most suitable for you in your worldly goals and in your spiritual goals.
Istikhara
I don’t know this man as well as you do, but I am getting a bad feeling about him. Sometimes when pursuing marriage with someone is not easy and does not agree with the heart, that is a sign in itself. I encourage you to pray istikhara and marry a man for religion as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us.
However, marrying a man for religion doesn’t mean that you forgo a proper education and stay home all day. Rather it means that you take the means to acquire and practice your religious and secular knowledge, spread it to others, and take the means to serve the ummah at large. That may be by your working as a professional, opening your own business, employing Muslims, volunteering for charity, or educating others. The opportunities are endless, and all of these are permissible when you dress modestly, have the permission of your husband, and are careful with gender interaction.
Benefit People
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “All the creation are Allah’s dependents, and the most beloved of the dependents to Allah are those most beneficial to His dependents” [Bayhaqi, Shu‘ab al-Iman]. The fact that you are asking me about him also shows me that you have doubts. Follow your heart.
Abu Qatada reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High, but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
Please see these links as well:
- The Modern Extremists – Who Are They? What Are The Consequences?
- How Can I Determine How Religious My Future Spouse Should Be?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
