Is It Advisable to Wait 4 Years to Do Our Nikah?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am currently talking to someone with the intent of marriage. Both of our parents agree to it, and we are always careful not to create temptation or commit sin when meeting in real life and always have a third person with us. I would like to do the nikah as soon as possible, even if that means not living with one another.
We would like to marry, but he wants to wait 4 years before a nikah since he would like to practice Islam more and earn a higher income.
Is it permissible to wait this long knowing we each want to get married to each other, and how long should one wait before it’s recommended to stop?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to marry as soon as possible to avoid temptation and for choosing someone for religion.
Don’t Wait
The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “O ‘Ali, three (particular) things do not delay: the (obligatory) prayer when it (time) comes; the (funeral prayer over) the deceased when (the body comes); and (the marriage of) a lady when you have found her a suitable match.” [Tirmidhi]
I highly advise against waiting so long, as a slew of problems can occur. Engagements can be broken, the temptation might overcome you, parents can change their minds, etc. Pray istikhara on what to do and if he is really adamantly against doing it soon, you should find someone more like-minded. I also urge you to limit your interaction with him until your nikah, as it sounds like you are seeing each other, hanging out, and talking beyond the limits of gender interaction in Islam.
Please see these links as well:
- Having to Wait for Nikah
- Nikah delayed until graduation
- Can I Have a Nikah and Move In with My Wife Later?
- Can I Hang Out with My Beloved before Nikah?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
