How To Seek Forgiveness for Abusing Someone?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I molested my 7-year-old cousin when I was 13 years old. We are both males. I am now 21 years old and I have repented to Allah. Should I ask the boy I molested to forgive me? Or is repenting to Allah enough? After doing this, I wanted to commit suicide.
Answer
You will find the best answers to your problem in these links, please read them fully:
I Abused Someone. How Do I Forgive Myself and Move On?
I Was Sexually Abused as a Child and Have Become an Abuser. Is There Any Redemption for Me?
In short, you committed a terrible sin and perhaps scarred someone for life. Your remorse and repentance are commendable, as long as you don’t fall into desperation. Allah has forgiven sins far worse than yours and He accepts sincere tawba.
Please get therapy or talk to a local imam or trusted friend so you don’t burst at the seams with guilt and consider suicide again. Suicide will not solve your problem and Allah will be angered in the process. In the process of self-discovery, contemplate what led you to this behavior and how you can correct it.
It is not obligatory on you to seek forgiveness from this young man, especially as speaking to him about this event might make it worse or make him retraumatized. The best protection for both of you is for you to stay away from him always and never contact him. Make du’a for him, be kind to his family, give charity on his behalf, and perhaps help him in another indirect way.
For now, be the best Muslim that you can be. Pray on time, give zakat on time, do charitable deeds regularly, and read Quran every day with the meaning.
Take a class at Seekers about the Prophet’s life, purification for the heart, or even personally obligatory knowledge. These actions will lead you to Allah and you can rise above your problems to something greater and deeper.
The more you try to get close to Allah, you are proving to Him that you are regretful and want to change. May Allah give you success in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
