How Should I Act When There Is a Disagreement between My Mother and My Wife?
Answered by Shaykh Khalid al-Kharsa
Question
How should I act when there is a disagreement between my mother and my wife?
Answer
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate.
Roles
Both the husband and the son have roles in stabilizing the relationship between his mother and his wife. It is his duty to be fair in his treatment between honoring his mother and giving his wife her rights without openly favoring either of them.
Balance
The relationship between the wife and her mother-in-law is always tense, as each of them desires to monopolize the husband’s and son’s attention. The son must understand that jealousy exists in every woman’s heart, and the mother can’t relinquish this; hence, he should not mention his wife or discuss her character and treatment in front of his mother. Instead, he should talk about his mother’s character, her treatment of him, and her affection for him in her presence.
Conversely, when alone with his wife, he should remind her of Allah’s (Most High) blessings on him through her and that she is a wonderful wife and should help him in honoring his mother. [Qadri Basha, al-Ahkam al-Shar‘iya fi al-Ahwal al-Shakhsiya]
[Shaykh] Khalid al-Kharsa
Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Khalid al-Kharsa is a distinguished scholar from Syria, born in Damascus in 1960. He holds a bachelor’s degree from the Faculty of Da‘wa Islamiyya in Tripoli, a higher diploma in Comparative Fiqh from the University of Omdurman in 1998, a master’s degree in Comparative Fiqh from the Faculty of Shari‘a and Law at the University of Omdurman in 2002, and a Ph.D. in Comparative Fiqh from the same institution in 2010.
He acquired knowledge and spiritual guidance from Shaykh Muhammad Salih al-Farfur, Shaykh Abdul Razzaq al-Halabi, Shaykh Muhammad Adib al-Kallas, and Shaykh Abdul Rahman al-Shaghouri, may Allah have mercy on them all.
He received Ijazas from several scholars, including Shaykh Muhammad Amin Siraj, Shaykh Abdul Ghani al-Daqar, Shaykh Muhammad Sa‘id al-Kahil, Shaykh Malik bin al-Arabi bin Ahmad al-Sharif al-Sanusi, Shaykh Muhammad Usman Bilal, the Mufti of Aleppo, and others.
Shaykh Khalid lived in Damascus for 52 years, where he engaged extensively in educational and social activities before being displaced from there. He moved to Istanbul at the end of 2015 and co-established “Markaz Jami‘at al-‘Ilm Wa al-Hidaya” within two months of his arrival. In Istanbul, he is active in educational roles. He serves as the director and teacher at the Sheikh Abdul Razzaq al-Halabi Institute, a lecturer at Dar al-Fuqaha, and a teacher at the Dar al-Funun Waqf.
His scholarly works and research include his tahqiq on “al-Rasa li al-Salihat min al-Nisa” by Hafiz Yusuf bin Abdul Hadi, “Adab al-Murta‘i in the Science of Dua (Supplication),” “al-Isti‘ana bi al-Fatiha,” “Rashat al-Aqlam – Explanation of Kifayat al-Ghulam” by Shaykh Abdul Ghani al-Nabulsi in Hanafi Fiqh, “al-Hada’iq al-Wardiyya fi Ajla al-Naqshbandiyya” by Khani, and “al-Arba‘in al-Tusiyya” by Muhammad bin Aslam. May Allah preserve him and make his contributions beneficial.
