How Does One Deal with Heartbreak after Quitting a Haram Relationship?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I left a haram relationship that lasted three years, and we had plans to get married. But conflicts arose between us, so we parted on bad terms. Will I ever get over this man if I truly believe that I love him? Can I pray that Allah will bring him back to me in halal terms and allow us to get married?
It hasn’t even been two weeks without him, and I’m struggling to find any comfort in my decisions, and temptation is making me want to beg him to take me back.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are in so much pain, and I feel your broken heart. I pray that it can be mended and that you draw closer to Allah from this.
Broken Heart
You will undoubtedly, absolutely, one hundred percent get over this man. A broken heart does not stay broken forever, and with the right guidance, it will be mended, by the grace of Allah. Never despair of Allah’s mercy.
I personally believe that you should stay away from him and not even think of returning to him unless he comes back to you for marriage alone. Refuse to be his girlfriend or even see him unless he is ready for full marital commitment. However, I will also advise you not to seek him out. Just pray to Allah for now that he helps you heal from this break-up. It is permissible for you to ask that Allah bring him back to you for marriage, but do you really want to marry someone who keeps a girlfriend for three years to be the father of your children? You deserve someone with your dignity and piety.
Repentance (Tawba)
The first step is tawba, repent to Him wholeheartedly because He laid down laws about gender interaction that you chose not to follow. Tell Allah that you are committed to never falling into an illicit relationship again, and ask Him to help you change and improve yourself. Do this by fulfilling your obligations to your Creator and learning more Islamic knowledge that you can apply and fulfill. Pray the Prayer of Need and make dua before the dawn prayer, for that is the time when Allah is looking for people to forgive and to help. Pour your heart out to Him because Allah never tires of His servant’s supplication.
Good Deeds
‘A’isha narrated that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, used to say, “Do those deeds which you can do easily, as Allah will not get tired (of giving rewards) till you get bored and tired (of performing religious deeds).” The most beloved prayer to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, was the one that was done regularly (throughout life), even if it were little. And whenever the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, offered a prayer, he used to offer it regularly. [Bukhari]
Immerse yourself in charitable good deeds and help others. Nothing is more healing than this. Get fresh air, exercise every day, and eat healthily. Make a gratitude journal where you can write every day. Get in touch with old friends and take up a new beneficial hobby or skill. Anytime you think about this man, make dhikr of your Lord, and soon it will become a habit. You will never think about him without thinking about Allah, and Allah’s remembrance will supersede all else.
May Allah make it easy for you and bless you with the perfect spouse for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
