How Do We Counsel Our Parents To Not Delay Our Rukhsati?
Answered by Shaykh Abdul Rahim Reasat
Question
My nikah was done a year ago, but ruksati is awaited till my husband’s sister gets a marriage proposal. Since my in-laws want both siblings to get married in one function.
I want to ask: is it righteous to keep our rukhsati waiting? While me and my husband are in favour of simple rukhsati but our parents are dragging, and it’s getting frustrating for both of us.
How do we make them realize and make it as simple and quick as possible?
Answer
Generally, it is blameworthy to delay a nikah when a suitable match has been found. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “O Ali, do not delay three particular things: the prayer when its time enters, the funeral prayer when the body is ready, and the [marriage] of a single lady when you find a suitable match for her.” [Tirmidhi]
Beyond this, it is not disliked to delay moving in unless this delay is likely to lead to problems, or either of the couple falling into sin. The whole point of the marriage is to prevent this.
Speak to Families
The best thing would be for you and your husband to speak to both families and put your case forward clearly. You are a married couple, and have rights and responsibilities to each other. To delay the rukhsati due to the convenience of a shared function is clearly problematic.
This puts strain on marriage and on relationships. The opposite of the point of a marriage. Be polite, yet firm. There is no need even to have a big event. You could just move in with him. The event is a matter of social customs.
Seek Help From Allah
Ask Allah for help, and proceed. Perhaps they think that you are fine with this. Speak your mind. Who knows when a suitable match will be found for your sister-in-law? It doesn’t make sense to strain one marriage while waiting for another.
May Allah facilitate matters for you.
[Shaykh] Abdul Rahim Reasat
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.
