How Do I Balance between My Sick Mother and Husband?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am struggling to balance my responsibilities as a wife and daughter. My mother has long-term health conditions. She is often unwell, and I have always ensured I have been there to assist her. My mother has never asked me to help her, but I would not feel right knowing she is struggling and not to offer her my support because she has been a great mother. I will never be able to repay her for what she has done.
The least I can do is help her out when she is unwell and be available. My husband is very understanding but recently has felt that I am not giving him time and attention because of my mother. What should I do?
Answer
Thank you for your question.
May Allah reward you manifold for being such a genuine and loving daughter. I pray that Allah sends you the same.
The duties of a woman are to her husband first, but she is also obliged to take care of her parents equally with her siblings if she is able to and they need it. Please see these links:
- Fiqh of Financially Supporting One’s Parents and Relatives
- Is the Husband’s First Priority His Parents, Whereas a Wife’s Her Husband?
- Married Daughters Supporting Elderly Parents
The best thing for you to do is to communicate with your husband and come to an agreement. Never let your marriage suffer because you need your husband’s support in order to help your mother. Indeed, it was your husband’s kindness, generosity, and patience that has allowed you to help her thus far.
Give him some time alone that he needs with you and put it in your weekly schedule. Communicate to him that you love him and make him feel wanted and needed. Once he feels secure like this, he will let you do anything. Also, don’t feel guilty about hiring someone to help your mother. In the West, you should be able to find a support worker or nurse who can come in daily to help with bathing, cleaning, or cooking. Take advantage of every resource that you can find.
May Allah bless you, keep up the good work, and renew your intentions every day, and I know Allah will give you tawfiq.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
