Why Should One Prefer Marriage Over Haram Relationships?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I had been dating a girl for a month and we both expressed our love for each other and discussed marriage after waiting five years. Recently, she decided to end it for the sake of Allah, as our dating was tarnishing our relationship with Allah. She said that if Allah wants us to be together, then we’ll be together in the future.

This breakup is extremely hard, I shed tears since I am so attached to her. I’m afraid of losing her forever because I think she’s my future spouse. She is a practicing Muslim, wears a hijab, and has the qualities of a “dream wife.” I can’t find the strength to stay away from her.

Answer

I am sorry that you are in so much pain and I empathize with your fear of losing her.

The first step is to face facts:

• Dating her is tarnishing your relationship with Allah and He should be put first no matter what.
• Allah is the one who showed this girl to you and let you know her so you must be grateful to Him and let her go.
• Give Allah his due, and trust in Him and He will send you the person who is the best for you.

This world is not a place for following one’s desires. Allah has put us here to see who will follow His law and who will ignore it. Only those who fear Him and place their hope in Him will be successful. Everyone is weak and will sin, as no one is perfect, but He has given us tools to use to better ourselves like tawba (repentance), shukr (gratitude), du’a, tawakkul (trust), and instincts (fitra). Allah, Most High, says, “O believers! Patiently endure, persevere, stand on guard, and be mindful of Allah, so you may be successful.” [Quran, 3:200]

This “dream girl” is truly a smart girl and I hope that you end up being good enough for her as a husband. She has done the right thing by cutting things off and Allah will reward her for that. He may even reward her by giving her someone who only wants a halal relationship with her, for that is a higher standard of righteousness.

Set yourself straight and make good on your Islam. Pray on time, give zakat on time, learn your religion, read the Qur’an with the meaning, and learn to recite it correctly.

Take a course at Seekers to increase your knowledge of Islam and apply it. You will reach a point in your faith where you will submit to His will and trust that He will send you the perfect wife. Give yourself time and space. Do cut her off as soon as you can, because holding on will just cause more misery.

May Allah give you the best spouse for this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.