Can You Advise Me on the Pain of Still Being Unmarried at 33 Years Old?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am an unmarried 33-year-old sister, which is affecting me a lot. I met two good brothers who were serious, but it didn’t work out with either of them for various reasons. My mind sometimes wanders to the past, and I think about them both, and this bothers me, and other times I think about marriage more generally. I have a recurring dream that some have said indicates that I will never marry, but I’m unsure if that is true. I make dua to Allah, and I know that His decree is what is best. I am reminding myself that we may love a thing, and it isn’t good for us. But my unfulfilled desire for marriage has been difficult to deal with for many years. Please share your advice.
Answer
Thank you for your question. Sister, I empathize with your pain and frustration and understand that marriage is a source of great relief and happiness for believers. I urge you to continually make dua and not lose hope.
Destiny
Allah has chosen different tests for different people and only what they can bear. We don’t understand the wisdom behind Allah’s decrees, but we will on the Day of Judgment when everything will be laid out clearly, by His grace. I urge you to dig into the recesses of your soul and find trust and solace that Allah’s wisdom, justice, and promise are true. Keep up your good etiquette with your Creator and show patience.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said this about impatience in dua, “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated, but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]
Busy Yourself
As I’m sure you already are, continue to busy yourself with good because if you don’t, the soul loves to busy itself with falsehood. Exercise, take care of yourself, study, review your personally obligatory knowledge, study Tafsir of the Quran, develop new skill sets, work more, develop your career, spend time with children, and pursue what your heart desires. Spend your free time in worship and keep cheerful and positive, for there is much to be grateful for.
Remember Allah’s words: “And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more. But if you are ungrateful, surely My punishment is severe.’” [Quran, 14:7]
Please see these links for duas and more tips:
- I Am Still Not Married. I Am Losing Hope. What Do I Do?
- Why Am I Not Married Yet?
- Advice for Those Who Are Still Single After Trying to Get Married for Years
- Why my Singlehood Seems Endless and Why is it So Difficult to Bear?
- I Am 36 Years Old, Unmarried and So Lonely. What Do I Do?
- How Do I Get Rid of My Desperation to Get Married?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
