Should I Leave My Husband to Help My Family?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I was the only source of income in my family. I was praying for a good spouse, and last Ramdan, I got married. Before marriage, I asked him if he would allow me to work. The whole year things didn’t work out. He tells me I am not pretty, and my brother has told him about our financial crisis.
After marriage, he told me my brother couldn’t give me any jewelry either. He provides me with life’s necessities but is not interested in me. Should I return to my family where I am required?
Answer
I feel that you should not walk away from a marriage so hastily. Take some steps to get closer to your husband so he opens up more. A marriage has to be nurtured and grown, just like a houseplant. If you don’t give the marriage its dues, emotionally and physically, both parties will remain uninterested in each other.
Please see this website:
5lovelanguages
I also recommend this book:
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
A beautiful marriage is in store for you if you start communicating better.
As for your family, you should help them financially as much as you are able. You are not obliged to give your money to your husband, so you can do with your income whatever you like. Please explain to your husband why you are doing so and tell him that you don’t mean to hurt or ignore him; your money is badly needed elsewhere.
It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything about herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Ahmad]
May Allah bless your marriage and make it strong with love, devotion, and purity.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
