How Should I Deal with Blackmail and Abuse within the Family?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Does one sibling have a right to physically abuse, derogate, and insult the other sibling on their private affairs?
Parents are alive. Both are adults with the abuser younger in age than the abused. Can the abuser leave the family on the lines of “moral duty” to do a social boycott to the act & its doer until the time that one of the parents dies, believing them to be lenient on their giving punishment?
Does the spouse have any right to meddle in the in-laws’ family affairs? Is it right to pitch parents against spouses for the sake of the honor of the in-laws? Is it right to blackmail parents into picking & choosing between their children? Is it right to remind a repenter of past sins & hold grudges/hatred against them?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah give you patience and guidance in dealing with these problems. Family issues are never easy and I pray that everyone involved follows the sunnah of maintaining ties of kinship, coupled with righteous character.
- A sibling does not have the right to derogate, insult, or abuse a sibling over a private affair. But he retains the right to advise or admonish him if he is committing enormities.
- An abuser should not leave the family and boycott his sibling and cut him off because he disagrees with the parent’s behavior. Perhaps you can provide specifics.
- A person has no right to meddle in the affairs of the in-laws unless it affects their household. Once again, you could provide details.
- Of course, it is not permissible to pitch parents against another’s spouse, or anyone for that matter, regardless of honor.
- It is not right to blackmail parents into choosing between their children.
- It is impermissible to remind someone of their past sins and hold grudges against them.
Patience
Please remember that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us in this hadith, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja] I advise you to be patient, turn to Allah, fulfill your obligations well, and be harsh on yourself, but kind to others.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
