Can My Mother Force Me To Babysit My Siblings Year After Year?

Question:

My mom forces me to babysit my younger siblings for years now. It is wasting my time, and I do not get paid. Is this allowed to force your kids to do this?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration at your mother forcing you to babysit and use up all your free time for this. I pray that you can open the doors of communication with her and work out a happy solution for both of you.

Obedience to One’s Parents

Please see these details below for the general ruling on obeying parents and when they may be disobeyed:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/when-may-parents-be-disobeyed-and-how/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/do-i-have-to-obey-my-parents-if-they-stop-me-from-listening-to-religious-talks/

Forcing You To Babysit

Your mother loves you and wants the best for you and you, as a young adult, need to grow, learn, and develop skills that will help you in a career and/or marriage. The best action for you is not to throw rulings in her face, but rather to communicate. You must sit her down and tell her that you love her and that you want to help her, but that it is time to cut down on the babysitting. Tell her of your endeavours, your passions, your dreams and your goals. She will be much more sympathetic to your situation if she knows what is going on in your head.

Come Up With a Plan

Make a list of options so that she does not lose you altogether but starts seeing a way for both of you to be independent. Can you babysit just once a week? Can she start paying you? Can you help her find someone else to babysit? I encourage you and your mother to learn about Islam, fulfill your obligations to Allah, and commit yourselves to living an Islamic lifestyle, based on knowledge, faith, and taqwa. May Allah give you both the best in this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.