Can I Cut Ties with My Stingy, Irresponsible, and Horrible Father?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’ve always been distant from my father. After my parents divorced when I was 12, things got worse. He wasn’t responsible and was very stingy. He had a very obscure understanding of Islam to the point he’d even ask permission from his mother to buy winter clothes for me when I was an infant. His mother was horrible, and I hated her for a good reason. I couldn’t even feel sad about her passing.
Instead of closing the gap between us, my dad has been doing inexcusable things, according to most people. Honestly, it’s horrible, and after the most recent incident, I’ve had enough. What’s the absolute minimum I can do to keep toes with him? If I fail, will it be like cutting ties with him?
Answer
I am so sorry that you have been suffering from your father’s behavior for all these years and I pray that you take steps to make sure that you and your children don’t follow the same path.
Ties of Kinship
You already know that it is unlawful to cut ties of kinship and I encourage you to keep minimum ties for your own sanity and mental health. You should pray for him, and contact him a little less than you are now. If you currently see him once a week, make it once in two weeks. If you currently call every day, consider reducing that or just messaging him. There is no given amount that is the minimum, but one should reduce the interaction to the point that one is not harmed, and what is acceptable by usual social norms. Only contacting him on the two Eids may not be enough.
Supplication of the Oppressed
Find solace in this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links for practical tips:
Obeying One’s Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship
How Should I Uphold My Family Ties?
Is It Permissible for My Husband to Cut Ties With His Abusive Parents?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
