Can I Ask My Relative to Divorce Their Horrible Spouse?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How do we deal with relatives who are not pious?
They verbally abuse us, make us angry and trouble our minds. They are too close to us but they behave horribly. They are dominating and prefer money over people. They are selfish, greedy, and do nothing good for us.
Can we directly cut the relationship with them by asking our relatives to divorce them?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I pray that you find a way to get along with your relative without asking someone to end their marriage.
Patience
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us in this very important hadith, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja]
Please look to the Prophet’s example (Allah bless him and give him peace) in how to be patient with obnoxious people around one. Know that your patience will bear you great rewards if you act according to what Allah and His Messenger have commanded. Always speak up against what is prohibited and enjoin the good, and fear only Allah.
Please see more details here:
What Is the Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil?
Expectations
In dealing with such people, you must devise some coping mechanisms in order to survive. This might include distancing yourself, spending less time with them, or only when necessary, and especially lowering your expectations of them. If you expect, money, gifts, or even your financial rights from relatives, drop those expectations and know that Allah has created man greedy. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us, “If the son of Adam had a valley of date palms, he would wish for another like it, then another and another, until he wished to have many valleys. Nothing will satisfy his belly but the dust of the grave.” [Ahmad]
Divorce
Divorce is a serious matter and the most hated of the permissible things. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us, “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce.” [Ibn Majah] As such, I would never advise that you ask a relative to get a divorce, but rather that you leave their matters up to them, and distance yourself. Don’t involve yourself in their marriage and they should not involve you in their lives either. If the interaction is unavoidable, minimize it.
Turn to Allah in all of these matters, and pray for guidance and wisdom. Gain sacred knowledge so you can keep away from the haram yourself and teach others. Take care of Allah and He will take care of you. Ibn ‘Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated, “One day I was riding behind the Prophet when he said, ‘O lad, be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you shall find Him with you. When you ask (for anything), ask it from Allah, and if you seek help, seek help from Allah.‘“ [Tirmidhi]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
