How Can I Tell My Mother I Want to Raise a Family Instead of Having a Career?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How can I express my desire to pursue marriage and a simple life to my mom without upsetting her? Considering my mom’s sacrifices for my future, is it reasonable to prioritize marriage and family over a career?
Answer
Mother
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me, it is the final return. But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you do not know of, do not obey them. Still, keep their company in this world courteously.” [Quran, 31:14-15]
Compromise
You should be open with your mother and tell her what you want. You are not required in Islam to sacrifice your dreams to your parents. The best thing to do is compromise so you are both satisfied. I’m sure she also wants you to marry, but it doesn’t mean you should forgo education. Find your passion, pursue it for Allah and His Messenger’s sake, intending to help Muhammad’s umma (Allah bless him and give him peace), and if a good proposal comes, you should accept. I don’t know if your father is in the picture, but you need his consent to marry. You can still live your dream; just plan it and ask Allah to guide you in the right way.
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah Most High with regular prayer and du`a, and pray the Prayer of Need for open communication, love, and respect between you and your mother.
Du`a
I recommend you say this prophetic du`a daily:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ مُنْكَرَاتِ الْأَخْلَاقِ والأعْمالِ والأَهْواء.
“O God, I seek refuge in Thee from objectionable characteristics, deeds, and passions.” [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links as well:
How Do I Convince My Mother to Let Me Marry While I Am Studying?
Do I Need My Mother’s Consent To Marry Whom I Wish?
How Do I Deal with Controlling Parents Who Want to Choose My Career?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
