What Can I Do If My Husband Can’t Fulfill His Bedroom Duties?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

My husband can’t satisfy me in the bedroom. It took me five years to tell him he was not well; then, I took him to the doctor. They give him medicine, but he doesn’t use it. He says he is OK because we have two children now. For the last 4 -5 years, we don’t sleep in the same room. I don’t want to leave him because my children love him, and I love him too, but also, he doesn’t want to leave me, but I find it difficult to control my sexual needs. What can I do, and what can we use?

What is permissible in our case under the Islamic school? We both follow Sunni Islam. Please help us out because he doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question. Allah Most High reward you for connecting to us, and we pray your husband realizes and takes steps, whether medical, counseling, or otherwise, and understands his responsibility and fulfills it.

Sexual difficulties can arise in a marriage. However, one should seek immediate help and advice from reliable people and not shy away.

Explore other Alternative Options

Explore options with your husband to satisfy you, if not through sexual intercourse. This can be a start and a way back for him to get him back to sexual intercourse. Possible options are that your husband can use his hand or a sex toy to stimulate your clitoris until you climax, as mentioned in past answers and books like Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations. Tell your husband to read about the section on foreplay and implement the permissible techniques in the book. See the links below.

Counseling, Therapy, and Advice

Try to convince him to speak to someone on the phone or through an online audio platform, if not face to face. He does not have to speak verbally; he can use text chat, and the counselor, Scholar, and Imam can use audio sound.

Dua and Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)

In addition to the above, making dua and performing The Prayer of Need is important. We pray that your husband realizes and takes steps and is given success in the matter, Amin.

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. You will receive guidance and direction in sha Allah.

Related Answers

• Sex Archives – SeekersGuidance
• My Husband Does Not Satisfy Me During Marital Relations. What Can I Do?
• Is It Permissible To Perform Oral Sex to One’s Wife? [Shafi’i]
• Problems In the Bedroom Affecting Many Muslim Marriages
  
• Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
  
• Etiquette of Marriage: A Comprehensive SeekersGuidance Reader
• Istikhara, The Prayer of Seeking Guidance: The Ultimate Guide – A Reader
• How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)? – SeekersGuidance
• Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations – Turath Publishing (book)

Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.