How Should I Deal with My Family after Having a Secret Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m a 28-year-old girl, and I did nikah six months ago secretly. I tried to convince my parents beforehand, but they refused to let me marry someone from another culture. I was so scared of fornication that I married without their permission. I still try to convince them now, but they still refuse.

What should I do? Should I get divorced and marry the one my parents want? If I mention my husband to my mother, she becomes angry and stressed. She stops talking to me for days. I feel pain and stress that I married without her permission. Did I sin by hiding this nikah? I don’t know what to do, I’m scared to tell them.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah guide you regarding your husband and your family, as this will cause some pain and suffering for everyone, but honesty is the best policy.

Secret Marriage

It was potentially sinful to perform this secret nikah because of the tremendous disrespect that it entailed to your parents, to whom we are commanded to show goodness.

Please see the details here:
Is It Valid to Marry in Secret?

What to Do

I encourage you to come clean because your mother is pressuring you to do something that you simply cannot do. Your lie will just get bigger, and deeper and something more difficult could happen, like you getting pregnant. Tell your parents, and their anger will dissipate eventually. Wait for things to calm down, and then move in with your husband. Pray the Prayer of Need the whole time, and ask Allah to guide you in every step. This won’t be easy at all, but facing Allah with your lie will be worse.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “It is obligatory for you to tell the truth, for the truth leads to virtue and virtue leads to Paradise, and the man who continues to speak the truth and endeavors to tell the truth is eventually recorded as truthful with Allah. And beware of telling of a lie, for telling of a lie leads to obscenity and obscenity leads to Hellfire, and the person who keeps telling lies and endeavors to tell a lie is recorded as an inveterate liar with Allah.” [Bukhari]

Please see this as well:
Secret Marriage

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.