What If I Made a Negative Dua against Myself While Arguing with My Mother?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
How do I deal with my mother’s high exam expectations? I couldn’t match her expectations the last time, so she went crazy, and after keeping my emotions in check for days as she raged at me, I finally argued back.
While arguing, I said, “Yes, even this time, the results won’t meet your expectations, In Sha Allah,”- does this render my efforts in vain?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
From Their Vantage Point…
It is important to remember that most parents act according to what they feel is in the best interest of their child. The child may not always agree or see the benefit of the parents’ choice.
Sometimes due to the parents’ sincere desire for the child’s well-being, they may come off as overzealous, make unrealistic expectations, and they may be harsh on the child.
Such actions are not in themselves justified, despite the well-wishing. It is still essential to remember the good intentions behind their actions.
Dealing with a Difficult Parent
Allah Most High gives us instructions on how to deal with difficult parents.
Allah Most High says, “But if they (the parents) pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously, and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in devotion). Then to Me you will (all) return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.” [Quran, 31:15]
Looking at this blessed verse, we can derive many principles:
- One does not obey any command from one’s parents if doing so entails disobeying Allah Most High.
- Despite the way they treat one, one must treat them with respect and courtesy.
- Treating one’s parents with good character is the way of their to turn to Allah in devotion.
Watching One’s Tongue
The statement you said to your mother, “Yes, even this time, the results won’t meet your expectations, In Sha Allah,” – does not render your effort in vain.
Despite this, it is very important to be cautious regarding one’s statements, especially when one is emotional.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Tribulation can result from speech.” [Bayhaqi, Shu‘ab al-Iman]
Al-Khatib (Allah be pleased with him) narrates a story related to the above narration. He said: “Kasa’i and Yazidi gathered with Rashid. They put Kasa’i forward to lead the loud recitation prayer, and he got stuck reciting Surat al-Kafirun. Yazidi said, ‘The great reciter of Kufa getting stuck in this sura?!’ Another loud recitation prayer came, and Yazidi stood to lead the prayer and got stuck while reciting Surat al-Fatiha. So Kasa’i said a couplet of poetry,
‘Guard your tongue and don’t speak, lest you be tested.
Indeed, tribulation can result from speech.’”
[Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir]
Abu Darda (Allah be pleased with him) said, “Indeed, I do not say that I will never fornicate, I will never steal, and I will never drink alcohol.” He was asked, “Why not?” He said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) say, ‘Tribulation can result from speech. A servant doesn’t declare saying, ‘I will never do such and such act’ except that Satan abandons everything and devotes himself to causing that person to commit that sin.’” [Bayhaqi, Shu’ab al-Iman]
Ibrahim al-Nakha’i (Allah have mercy on him) said, “Indeed, I find myself telling me something and the only thing that stops me from saying it aloud is the fear that I may be tested with that thing.” [Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir]
For this reason, it is important to be cautious when speaking in general, especially when emotional or upset.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever remains silent is safe.” [Ahmad]
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch teaches Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York, where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences.
He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he studied for three years in Dar al-Mustafa under some of the most outstanding scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib.
In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Quran and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Quranic exegesis, Islamic history, and several texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
