Should I Tell My Husband That I Am Attracted To Other Men?
Question: I sometimes get feelings of attraction for other men besides my husband without any bad intention, which leads me to feel extreme guilt.
Should I tell my husband about them? Is it his right to know? Is it considered cheating?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
Attraction
The attraction between the sexes is a very natural and normal thing, but we are expected to behave correctly when such things happen.
-First, take the means to lower your gaze from the opposite gender and make it a habit. The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Do not follow one glance with another; you may be allowed the first but not the second.“ [Musnad of Ahmad]
-Never be alone with or touch the opposite gender, not even shaking hands. Keep a respectful and cordial distance. See this link:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/hadith-about-seclusion-khalwa-and-unmarriageable-kin-mahram/
-Minimize gender interaction with men according to the rules, see this collection of answers:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/
Telling Your Husband
There is no need to tell your husband that you are attracted to anybody. It is not his right, and he does not need to know. It will cause strain on the marriage, and these small personal challenges should not be shared with him. How would you feel if he told you that he found “such and such woman“ to be beautiful? This is not akin to cheating, but rather, this is only the Devil whispering doubts to you and making you believe that it is bigger than it really is. Deal with the attraction accordingly and squash it. May Allah reward you for your effort.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
