Should I Stop Praying That My Boyfriend Loves Me More Deeply?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m 23 years old, and my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We just had a fight and broke up, and I love him so deeply, and I ask Allah to bring him back to my life again and love me more.

Alhamdulillah, my prayer was answered, but I’m so confused now. We just had a small misunderstanding, and he told me his heart is burning like I’m reporting him to Allah. Should I stop praying about him?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for turning to Allah in your brokenheartedness, and may he give you what your heart really needs.

Love

Love before marriage is a very complicated thing, especially when coupled with lust and a lack of Islamic guidance. I recommend that you follow the advice of our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said the following:

“There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Ibn Majah]

For this reason, I urge you to ask your boyfriend to convert to Islam if he is not Muslim and then marry him. A man doesn’t truly love or respect a woman until he marries her and promises to take care of her for life.

Choice of Spouse

Pray istikhara about whether this is the right man for you and picture whether you feel that he will be a good father to your children. Does he respect women? Will he teach your children how to pray and read Quran? Is he patient? Does he honor parents? Does he have a good education? Will he be able to provide for you in the way that you are accustomed to?

Heed the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said,  “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Supplication

Don’t ever stop asking Allah for what you desire, but do watch out for the etiquette of supplication. It is not befitting for a Muslim to ask for something impermissible, and Allah is eager to wipe away indecency from his servants. Tweak your dua to ask Allah for the best husband and that you get married in the best way. Ask Him to give you wellness, relief, guidance, and good in this world and the next.

The etiquette of a believer with their Lord is patience. The servant asks his Lord, and he must patiently wait even if it is difficult and trust that Allah’s timing is the best. Never claim that your dua was not answered. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated, but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]

Repentance

I also urge you to repent for your past sins and make the intention not to continue a relationship with anyone without marriage, as only marriage is a true commitment and truly fulfilling for both parties. Above all, Allah’s rights must not be infringed, and it is His right that His rules be obeyed. Fear not, for Allah is the All-Merciful, and His mercy encompasses all.

Allah Most High says: “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]

Please see these links as well:
The Reality and Etiquettes of Supplication: A Reader
Can I Make Dua That Allah Sends My Boyfriend to Me as My Future Husband?
How Do I Repent After Having Had a Boyfriend?
Can I Ask Allah To Give Me Back My Ex-Boyfriend?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.