Should I Leave My Husband Because We Fight All the Time?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband and I have argued many times in the past, and I sometimes worry if those arguments could be a divorce expressed metaphorically. He has also hurt me before, although nothing so big. I don’t know what Allah wants me to do. It’s also sometimes not easy being away from my family. A loved one also passed away recently, and I’m heartbroken. How do I know if this marriage is still valid or if Allah wants me to stay married?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to do what is right and for your careful consideration:
Past Arguments
Your marriage is still valid unless your husband intends to divorce you with implicit expressions. However, I doubt this is the case, and you should leave the matter alone and consider your marriage valid.
See more details here:
Is It a Divorce If a Spouse Sings a Break-up Song and the Husband Nods to the Beat?
What Does Allah Want?
Allah only wants one thing from us: to behave like Muslims. If you are fighting endlessly with your husband, it is not necessarily an indication that you should separate but instead that you should mend the marriage.
Mending the marriage is no easy task; it will require much effort and patience, research, trial, and error. But the fruits are well worth it. One must start with the intention to emulate the best of creation, take a course on marriage to learn one’s obligations and rights, read several Western books on tactics and strategies, and then apply them to the best of one’s ability.
Start with these resources:
Course Suggestions:
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
Answer Suggestions:
Istikhara Prayer
Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
Resolving Conflict Between Husband and Wife
Will Allah Forgive Me For Fighting With My Husband?
Should I Divorce My Husband If All We Do Is Argue?
Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Book Suggestions:
Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace
Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage
Article Suggestions:
What Makes A Marriage Work – Shaykh Hamza Yusuf
25 Years’ Worth of Marriage Advice: Hina Khan-Mukhtar
Losing a Loved One
May Allah grant your loved one the highest Paradise, forgive him, and grant you and your family beautiful patience. I understand that the pain can be unbearable, and I ask you to find patience and submission to the divine will, reflect on death, and take admonition from it. These are explained in detail here:
How Do We Deal With the Death of a Loved One?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
