Did I Disrespect My Mom by Standing and Saying ‘Ummm’?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
One day, my mom told me to go back to bed as I woke up early, but I wanted to study. I stood there for a bit and made a noise like “ummmm” or “uhhhh” to indicate I didn’t like the idea very much, but I didn’t intend to offend. I can’t remember my intentions, but I think I wanted my mum to realize I didn’t like the idea so she could give me leeway.
But then my mum said something like, “You never listen to me when I say to do something”, so I realized my mum was offended, so I went back to bed. Was this disrespectful? I never intend to disrespect or offend my parents on purpose.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to be a dutiful child and for having the highest standards of respecting your parents.
Ummm
Allah Most High said in the Quran, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]
If your mother felt disrespected by what you said, simply repent and find a better way to communicate next time. It is superior to directly ask if she wouldn’t mind if you stayed up and studied. From the politeness of your request, she would probably allow it. Straightforwardness is always a better approach instead of just hoping that she will let you do something when she doesn’t know what you are even thinking.
Please see these links as well:
Is It Disrespectful Towards Allah to Say “Whatever” to One’s Parents?
How Can I Stop Being Disrespectful to My Parents?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
